I Thought He Was The Love Of My Life….

“Have you ever loved somebody so much it made you cry?” Well I cried wolf for two years straight after I broke up with my ex boyfriend. This was back in March of 2013. Dude, I don’t think I ever cried over a person ever in my life (never will I do that again lol). He was the guy that I fantasized about having a future with. I literally planned  everything in my head on how our future was going to be. He made me believe these things about being together till the end of time. I thought that one day we would eventually get married. Well, that happy ending came crushing down.

When I first met him, I automatically thanked God for bringing someone like him into my life. We started off as friends FIRST. I started having feelings for him because he didn’t seem like your “typical guy”. He was very sweet, charming, loved God, you name it. I loved the fact that he treated me like a queen. Even when we went out in public, he made it aware to others that I was his girl. He introduced me to his family and friends and I thought indeed it was official. Everything I basically asked and prayed for in a man was right in front of me. He had a genuine heart and was very respectful towards me. Although I was 17 when we first met, I just felt like this was someone I would spend the rest of my life with.

I trusted him very much. I told him all my strengths, weaknesses, secrets, that I never really felt comfortable telling others. This relationship was long distance. I would travel without my parents even knowing lol. I remember sneaking to go visit him using my dad’s Delta flying Pass. My parents eventually found out and they were not too happy about it. My dad even told me if I ever go visit him again, he would abandon me as his child lol (my dad is very dramatic). I risked a lot to make sure this relationship was not going to break because I was so deeply in love. There were some signs during the course of the relationship were I felt there was a lack of trust. I neglected the signs of cheating and everything else because my love for him was too deep. I thought it was all in my head and that I was just being a dramatic girlfriend.

I started noticing that our relationship was drifting away due to the fact that there was an emotional disconnect. We were both on different paths. (I was a college student trying to get good grades and he was focusing on his career after college). Even our daily conversations weren’t the same anymore. I felt as if he tapped out of the relationship even when I started to ask if everything was okay between us. We were both trying to make the relationship work but some how there was a disconnect between us. I felt like I started to lose my best friend.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was in my friend’s dorm room at the time when I got the phone call that he was cheating on me. When I tell you my heart was racing 100 miles per hour; I thought my world came tumbling down. All trust in every human being was gone at that point. I went straight into attack and survival mode. The words that came out of my mouth that day of the break up was not too pretty. It was as if I didn’t even know who I became. My friends literally had to calm me down. I had friends who came knocking at my door just to see if I was going to be okay because I was in bad shape. I was living and staying in the dark for a week just crying. I even skipped classes, I was not being truthful to others, and was very bitter. I was a resident director at the time and I don’t think I even cared about my residents anymore lol. It took a lot of courage to get back to me again. During the course of the break up, I was so torn apart that it made me extremly bitter. When I started lashing out on my close friends and family, I knew something was totally wrong. I had to come to my senses and realize stuff like this happens and it is not the end of the world. I really did not know who I was becoming. I felt like I lost my sense of SELF two years after the breakup.

What I learned from this break up is:

• Put your self first when it comes to love
• God has to be the center of the relationship
• Never be ashamed of the love you gave
• Never show a guy you love him more than he loves you
• Know your worth
• Listen to your instincts
• Pay close attention to irregular signs and red flags in the relationship
• DO NOT HOLD A GRUDGE (Because you will not have a peace of mind)
• Learn to forgive yourself
• I have to do a better job communicating my thoughts and feelings
• Don’t have so much exceptions
• You have to love yourself more
• Do not settle for less
• You have to know who you are and what you stand for
• Set boundaries
• Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
• Write or talk about your feelings and don’t hold it in
• Learn how to be alone and spend time with yourself

I didn’t write this blog to bash or speak negative about my ex. I felt this post was necessary to share to others that most relationships will either work out or not. I had to learn to forgive MYSELF as well during this breakup because I wasn’t perfect. I understand now that people will love different from me and that’s okay.

Once again, thank you guys so much for all the love, support, encouragement! It really means a lot and I am glad you guys are joining me on this journey. As always…..

Stay blessed and love always,

ChellyAmma xoxo